In My Ass (2017)
In My Ass 2017 was the seventh edition of the annual In My Ass event, held on October 31, 2017. The show was highlighted by The Shark defending the World Heavyweight Championship against DEFAULT in a Shark Cage match, Dynamite Derek squaring off with Kane in a Last Man Standing match, and J-Pac going one-on-one with Mick Foley in a Hell in a Cell match. __TOC__ Background Diaz's Fuck Fest XIII has been referred to by many as the darkest day in the history of SvR06. Fittingly enough, that very event was concluded by Walter P. Wiley's ferocious Shark defeating DEFAULT in the main event for the World Heavyweight Championship. Now that the aquatic abomination is back on top, it could be a long time before anyone else even touches the title again. As Walter was quick to remind everyone, it took 29 individuals to dethrone The Shark during his previous reign. As hopeless as things may seem, DEFAULT refused to be deterred. He immediately invoked his rematch for the championship, but Walter told him that he was dead to him and that he should either get in the back of the line or jump in front of an oncoming train. DEFAULT insisted that he was willing to endure any amount of pain if it meant getting his claws back around the coveted title. The determination of the youngest Wiley inspired Walter, who wanted nothing more than to see that spirit crushed along with DEFAULT's sternum. Walter agreed to give DEFAULT one more opportunity, but it would be in a match so career-threatening that it's never taken place before. At In My Ass, the two will compete in the very-first Shark Cage match. The two will be surrounded by a reinforced steel structure and, since he apparently can't defeat him by standard means, the only DEFAULT will leave as the champion is if he escapes the shark cage and the clutches of its fellow inhabitant. DEFAULT will be entering uncharted waters at In My Ass, but in spite of its namesake, this match will be a new challenge for both of its competitors. Will the unconventional nature of this championship bout benefit the challenger or will The Shark find comfort in saving himself the trouble of trapping his prey? Dynamite Derek arguably faced his greatest challenge yet this year at Diaz's Fuck Fest when he went one-on-one with The Undertaker. Ultimately, the fatal mistake for The Dark Luminary was his faith in the unpredictable Kane, who would realign with The Deadman to aid him in victory. Shortly thereafter, Dynamite Derek found himself bouncing back from defeat and challenging The Shark for the World Heavyweight Championship at Memorial Day Madness: See You Next Wednesday. Once again, SvR06's resident superhero found himself coping with a devastating defeat. The loss not only shook the confidence of the many that look to him for hope, but also the confidence within himself. After informing the world that he no longer wanted to be referred to as a superhero, but rather a mere mortal man, Dynamite Derek disappeared into seclusion. Meanwhile, Kane was once again left without guidance from a higher power and continued to exhibit volatile behavior. The rampaging monster would eventually provoke Dynamite Derek to reemerge from the shadows, echoing that he was but a man. But he came to realize, in his time away, that one man can make the biggest difference. With that in mind, Dynamite Derek began his resurgence by setting his sights on Kane. He noted that behind his mask is a man, and that a man is vulnerable to defeat. But he added that there's a man behind Kane's mask as well, which means he shares the same fallibility. With that, Dynamite Derek challenged Kane to a Last Man Standing match at In My Ass to exercise the demons of the first half of the year. However, in order to conquer his own demons, he will have to overcome the devil's favorite in one of the most historically hellacious matches ever conceived. The hardcore war between J-Pac and Cactus Jack at Diaz's Fuck Fest XIII was one of the most brutal battles in SvR06 history. Despite his reservations and attitudes toward high-risk styles of wrestling, J-Pac dipped into the darkest corner of his mind to manage to defeat the sadistic alter ego of Mick Foley. However, the story that had everyone talking after the fallout of the Fest wasn't J-Pac's victory but rather than Cactus Jack refused to stay down, even after being pinned. In the months following, J-Pac has continued to obsess over the fact that the focus has been placed on Foley's endurance rather than his win over the King of the Deathmatch. J-Pac would go on to say that Foley embarrassed him by walking out of that building that night, and that it led him to the conclusion that he didn't put him through as much hell as he should have. With this in mind, J-Pac devised a means to ensure that the Hardcore Legend would never grace the squared circle and inspire another generation of reckless wrestlers again. He would sacrifice himself once more for his perceived greater good by stepping inside the structure that solidified Mick Foley's legendary status: Hell in a Cell. At In My Ass, the gates of Hell will open to unleash its most demonic creation once again. J-Pac has promised to enter the structure, but his opponent has yet to appear publicly in response. Some reporters have speculated that Mick Foley will not enter Hell in a Cell, but this will not deter J-Pac. His intentions are to destroy the legend where it was forged for the good of mankind, and J-Pac typically makes good on his goals. In this year's star-studded Money in the Bank Ladder match, Ben Unhinged and Intercontinental Champion Chance played a large role in compromising each other's ascension to the coveted briefcase. At Memorial Day Madness: See You Next Wednesday, Ben Unhinged earned the right to challenge Chance for his Intercontinental gold and captured the title for the first time with a decisive crossface chickenwing. Chance would proceed to argue that the decision should be reversed because he never actually submitted, but rather opted to knock himself out so that he wouldn't lose his championship. When his persistent requests were shot down, Chance's obsession with holding the gold only increased. While Ben Unhinged was performing a diss track inspired by the former champion, he was attacked by Chance's bouncer Chris Masters. While trapped in the inescapable clutch of the Master Lock, Chance proclaimed that Ben stripped him of all dignity when he took the Intercontinental Title from him. Chance then announced that he couldn't get his gold back, then he was going to have to take something else before proceeding to chop off Ben's signature beard.Rebounding from the assault, Ben Unhinged admitted to being humiliated by Chance and Chris Masters. He continued, however, by adding that Chance apparently lives by the eye-for-an-eye philosophy and that he'll gladly humiliate Chance at In My Ass in their rematch for the Intercontinental Championship. Chance may have gotten his way, but has he pushed Ben too far? When the three individuals collectively known as The Mullet Club joined forces, they claimed that they were going to take back the wrestling industry that they believe they primarily established. In terms of the tag team division, one could certainly argue they've done a pretty good job at doing just that. However, not every ring veteran seems to share their feelings on who the future of wrestling is entitled to. Ric Flair, specifically, feels that it's time for a new guard to eclipse the elder statesmen of yesteryear. Considering that the trifecta of throwbacks has defeated virtually every team on the roster, the Nature Boy pushed for his tandem of Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin to receive the next opportunity at the World Tag Team Championship. In the weeks that followed, The Mullet Club would deploy their traditional tactics of playing to their strength in numbers. Things would reach a boiling point whenever Savage, Hall, and Steiner apparently cut the breaks on the World's Greatest Tag Team's vehicle, leaving the challengers in a bad state: Michigan. With their rent-a-car unable to come to a complete stop, it's unclear if Haas and Benjamin will be able to make it back in time for their championship bout. At In My Ass, despite the uncertainty of the situation, a frenzied Flair has guaranteed that his team will be ready to challenge The Mullet Club for the coveted titles that they have clung to for nearly a year. Will the old school crew maintain their dominance over the tag team division or will a new guard take their post as the top team in SvR06? In this year's star-studded Money in the Bank Ladder match, Drew Thunder was mere inches away from seizing the contract and propelling his comeback year to even greater heights. However, The Red Head managed to slip in and capture the case at Drew's expense. On the same evening, Chris Jericho teamed with Linda Hogan to defeat her ex-husband Hulk and Samoan Joan to keep the exclusive rights of Hulkamania in her possession. To add further insult to injury, the matriarch of the Hogan family struck a deal with Y2J to promote her brand by allowing him to utilize any mannerisms, catchphrases, or likenesses attached to the Hulkamania asset. These two unlikely paths would cross when Drew Thunder took to the ring to make a proclamation regarding The Red Head. Feeling wronged on numerous levels by the masked Money in the Bank conveyor, the Master of Drew-Jitsu declared a fight to the finish between the two so that he could finally ease his mysterious rival's inner pain with the external pain of his educated feet. While throwing out the challenge, he was interrupted by the first public appearance of the newly-redesigned Chris Jericho. The so-called Real American continued to act as though he would address Drew Thunder before continuing his pompous parade of ear-cupping and hot-dogging. Inevitably fed up, Drew Thunder finally introduced Jericho to the patented kick known as Thunderstruck. Jericho would take this matter to Commissioner Barkley, who he referred to as President Jack Tunney, and demanded that the dangerous Thunderstruck kick be indefinitely banned. Barkley rejected this suggestion, but ruled that Drew Thunder could only utilize the maneuver if someone lays their hands on him first. Naturally, Jericho found a way to take advantage of this ruling very quickly when he ambushed Drew Thunder with an American flag but continued to claim that he never literally laid a hand on him. Clearly disrupting his zen, Drew Thunder declared that he wanted to face Chris Jericho at In My Ass so he could kick him so hard in the head that he remembers who he is. Jericho accepted, but informed his opponent that he could train for a lifetime, take all the Flintstones vitamins in the world, and pray all he wants because he doesn't have a prayer in the world of beating him at In My Ass. After months of claiming that he was going to take his country back, Muhammad Hassan became the United States Champion in a Sinister Six-way match. Proclaiming his reign as the birth of Hassan's America, he declared that the being World Champion was a part of a globalist agenda and therefore beneath him. He would continue by stating that his victory puts the United States back on top again and that all other champions are irrelevant compared to him. This caught the attention of Rob Van Dam, whom made a bombastic reappearance on the Diaz's Fuck Fest pre-show to win the Hardcore Championship from Damien Sandow. Not only did Van Dam vocally oppose Hassan's nationalistic attitudes, but he refused to be overlooked as the man who brought hardcore back to the Hardcore Championship. Hassan admitted to being shortsighted at first, but it became quickly apparent that it was all a ruse to mace RVD in the face and pummel him. Once recovered, the Hardcore Champion demanded a match with Hassan and made it clear that he didn't care if it was title or non-title. However, Hassan agreed to face the off-center RVD and even insisted that the match be for the title. During the contract signing for the bout, Van Dam made it clear that his previously-impaired sights were set primarily on Muhammad Hassan before hurriedly signing the dotted line. RVD would continue by telling Hassan that it's clear why he doesn't respect his title, considering his tactics. He added, however, that if Hassan tried to pull another stunt on him like before that he would show him why he should respect hardcore. When Hassan attempted to blindside RVD again, the Hardcore Champion floored him with an explosive Van Daminator. At In My Ass, these two champions will collide in a matter of pride and prejudice. Will RVD bring an early end to Hassan's America or will the United States Champion continue on his quest to become the greatest to ever hold the gold? In a bizarre turn of events, the not-so secret alliance between then-Cruiserweight Champion Rey Mysterio and Daivari crumbled at Diaz's Fuck Fest. In their Triple Threat match against Just Christian, Daivari saw an opening to win the title for himself and took it. The conniving Mysterio was infuriated, but Daivari insisted that he did it to keep up the guise that they didn't know each other and to keep the title away from Just Christian at all costs. The new champion would even go as far to claim that he would immediately hand the title back over to Mysterio at In My Ass. With their collaboration exposed, Commissioner Barkley intervened by agreeing to sign the match. With the addition, however, of Just Christian. In the weeks that followed, Mysterio and Daivari would ambush Just Chrstian with tables and ladders in an attempt to take him out of action before In My Ass. Just Christian would stand his ground with a steel chair in hand, which conveniently inspired Commissioner Barkley to make this contest a Tables, Ladders, and Chairs match. Just Christian will have his opportunity at redemption come In My Ass. The question is, will Daivari and Rey Mysterio be able to stay on the same page or will fractured loyalties hinder their odds of keeping the title in either of their clutches? For the past year, Wrestler: Unstoppable has been haunted by the shadowy saboteurs known as SPOOK. After spending months peeling back the layers of the organization, the Secret Agent Man ultimately discovered that SPOOK was being fronted by Nateflix. This information came at a price, however, as Wrestler: Unstoppable's love interest Lita was seized by SPOOK and hasn't been seen since. The torment would continue all the way up to Diaz's Fuck Fest XII, where Nateflix would have an active hand in ensuring that Wrestler: Unstoppable did not walk away from the event with the United States Championship. With his career subject to constant sabotage, Wrestler: Unstoppable demanded to face Nateflix once more in a match that would see SPOOK disband if their fearless leader was defeated. Nateflix accepted these terms, but demanded something in return. If Wrestler: Unstoppable loses, he will have to hide and nobody will be able to find him because he will be terminated from SvR06. Wrestler: Unstoppable ordinarily parts with the reassuring message that he will return, but at In My Ass that may not be the case. Irregardless of the result, it will be the last time we will see one or the other again. The question is, will it be the final showdown for SPOOK or Wrestler: Unstoppable? Since banding together, The Mullet Club has been virtually unstoppable. With many aces up their sleeve, some have attributed much of their success to their personal referee Herb Hebner. It goes without question that two people who share this sentiment are Chavo Guerrero and Carlito, El Muchachos. Ironically, Herb Hebner suggested that these two were "bad hombres" and have no regard for the rules of wrestling. Claiming that El Muchachos took advantage of his half-blindness at Diaz's Fuck Fest XIII, Hebner threatened legal action against SvR06 if action wasn't taken. To appease the disgruntled official, the company suspended Chavo Guerrero indefinitely. Left without a tag team partner, Carlito was unable to justify a rematch for the World Tag Team Championship that escaped his possession at the Fest. Hebner wasn't satisfied either. He demanded that both members of El Muchachos be suspended and would do anything to see to it. Beyond frustrated, Carlito suggested that if they were going to settle things out of court then they should settle them in the ring at In My Ass. If Carlito wins, Chavo Guerrero will be reinstated. If Hebner wins, Carlito will join his teammate in indefinite suspension. In an unprecedented event, a referee will compete in an SvR06 ring. Will he be able to count his own falls? Will his condition act as a hindrance as a competitor as well? Will Carlito really get any satisfaction out of defeating a referee? Seeing In My Ass is the only way to know for sure! Results * It was later revealed that the match was mistakingly contested for Van Dam's Hardcore Championship, therefore the result was nullified In what was arguably the most explosive night in SvR06 history, the annual In My Ass saw the rise of a new guard following the dark day that was Diaz’s Fuck Fest XIII. But though the times may seem dark, a spark of light would shine throughout the event, a fire undeterred by the forces of evil. Prior to their match for the United States Championship, reigning champion Muhammad Hassan had pepper-sprayed Hardcore Champion Rob Van Dam. Though his vision was temporarily impaired by the attack, the Human Highlight Reel came out swinging against the nationalistic Hassan. The champion continued to blindside the challenger throughout the contest, keeping the high-flyer grounded for the majority of the match-up. However, after a chance opening, Van Dam took to the skies and landed a picture-perfect Five-Star Frog Splash to defeat Hassan and walk out with the United States Championship. With his fellow Muchacho suspended, Carlito was flying solo against his unconventional opponent, half-blind referee Herb Hebner. With limited in-ring experience and vision working against him, Hebner was caught off-guard and defeated when he mistook the acting official for his opponent. After the bout, Carlito grabbed a signature Golden Delicious and spewed the half-chewed fragments of apple into the face of Herb Hebner, some of which impacted with his good eye. After a year of torment, Wrestler: Unstoppable came face-to-face with the author of all his pain to finally settle the score. If the Secret Agent Man could defeat Nateflix, then SPOOK would be forced to disband. However, if he was unsuccessful, he would be forced to walk away from wrestling. Without his cronies to back him up, Wrestler: Unstoppable was able to use his size and strength to his advantage over the SPOOK figurehead. With victory close at hand, Wrestler: Unstoppable’s ladyfriend Lita resurfaced after being kidnapped months back by SPOOK. As the spy who loved her hoisted up his opponent so she could get some revenge of her own, Lita directed her attention towards the big man and viciously attacked him. With this opening, Nateflix applied a devastating submission hold onto Wrestler: Unstoppable and brought his career to its conclusion. It’s hard to say whether he succumbed to the pain of the hold or from the anguish of a broken heart. The three cruiserweights from Diaz’s Fuck Fest entered the ring for their championship rematch, with the addition of Tables, Ladders, and Chairs to grapple with. However, before the match could begin, Commissioner Barkley chimed in from his office. He informed champion Daivari and Rey Mysterio that before this could devolve into another two-on-one contest against Just Christian, he was adding an additional cruiserweight in the form of The Hurricane. With the odds evened, the four combatants put everything on the line to call themselves Cruiserweight Champion. Of course wherever Mysterio and Daivari go, controversy follows and this title bout was no different. The match reached its culmination point when Daivari covered Just Christian at the exact same time that Rey Mysterio pinned The Hurricane. While it initially wasn’t clear who had won, the referee officially raised the hand of Mysterio and awarded him the title. With the Thunderstruck kick barred from being utilized, Chris Jericho stepped into the ring with Drew Thunder. Even without his patented kick, the Master of Drew-Jitsu came prepared with a whole arsenal of offense that stopped Jerichomania in its tracks. However, the tides changed whenever the Canuckster received unlikely assistance from Ric Flair. Jericho finished off Drew Thunder with his newly-acquired leg drop, but appeared to know as much about The Nature Boy’s motivations as everyone else. Obsessed with being unable to keep Mick Foley down at the Fest, J-Pac looked to finish off the Hardcore Legend inside the demonic Hell in a Cell. Fittingly, as the hellacious structure descended upon the arena, Mankind made his way to the ring. Before he could make it there, the relentless J-Pac bashed him in the back of the head with a steel chair before dragging him backstage. After thrashing him throughout the parking lot, J-Pac dropped Mankind through a car windshield and headed back to the ring to bask in his dirty work. While gloating about baiting his rival into his trap, J-Pac stopped mid-sentence as the inhuman and inhumane face of Foley limped his way to the Cell to start the match. J-Pac fled at the first opportunity he could, seizing the high ground at the top of the chain-link torture chamber. When he was pursued by Mankind, he proceeded to propel his indestructible foe back to the bottom. Knowing that this wouldn’t be enough, J-Pac prepared to dive from the top to put a stop to this fiendish foray. However, to his surprise, he was met at the top yet again by the mangled Mankind. J-Pac looked his opponent’s battered body up and down, appearing to take mercy on the scarred flesh and undying heart that stood before him. With their eyes locked, and time seeming to stand still, J-Pac drove Mankind through the top of the Cell and sent the two crashing to the mat below. With his last ounce of strength, J-Pac planted Foley with one final J-Factor and pinned him. J-Pac ascended the Cell once more in celebration, and this time, Mick Foley didn’t get back up. In a backstage interview, the Kings of Crime stated that they would be watching the World Tag Team Championship match closely, as they intend to challenge whoever comes out victorious. With Charlie Haas and Shelton Benjamin out of commission, everyone waited eagerly to see who Ric Flair would find to challenge The Mullet Club for their tag team titles. After what transpired following his match with Carlito, Herb Hebner was unable to fulfill his duties as the official referee of The Mullet Club. On top of that, Flair produced a highly-qualified team to take on the Savage, Hall, and Steiner trifecta. First, his protégé Mark Jindrak. And secondly, the imposing Batista. The Mullet Club used their strength in numbers to their advantage, but the tutelage of Ric Flair made Jindrak and Batista a force to be reckoned with. Ironically, the same under-handed tactics that The Mullet Club utilized to stay on top of the tag team division led to their demise when applied by this new guard of challengers. Ultimately, it was a Batista Bomb to Scott Steiner that ended the eventful reign of the tandem as World Tag Team Champions. Burned from flying too close to the sun, Dynamite Derek returned from his self-induced exile to right the injustices of Kane in a Last Man Standing match. The Dark Luminary had truly stepped down from his perch to walk amongst the men and women he vows to protect, and his appearance and attitude reflected it. The two masked men wasted no time in treating the arena like their own personal demolition derby, utilizing every item that wasn’t nailed down to their advantage. No matter what the two threw at each other, it proved increasingly difficult to keep either man down for the count of ten. When the smoke had settled from the fire and flames of their incendiary match-up, Dynamite Derek had risen victorious like a phoenix from its ashes. After having his beard taken by Chance, in return for the Intercontinental Title, Ben Unhinged entered their rematch with fire in his eyes. So much so that the challenger never found an opportunity to break free from the pummeling he received. During this flurry of fists, Chance’s bouncer Chris Masters crept over to where the championship belt was being held and headed for the backstage area with the gold in hand. Noticing that the title had been stolen, Ben pursued Masters up the aisle. With no other choice, the referee proceeded to count the champion out and declared Chance the winner, bringing an abrupt end to this title rematch. In the main event of the evening, DEFAULT stepped inside the first-ever Shark Cage match to challenge The Shark for the World Heavyweight Championship. The former champion took every chance he could to utilize the reinforced steel beams of the cage as a weapon, but was ultimately defeated by the brass knuckles that Walter P. Wiley had handed off to the behemoth champion. Outside, the rain had begun to sooth Ricardo Diaz from the heated arena. As he walked to his car to head home for the night, it seemed he couldn’t help but shake the feeling that there were footsteps hidden amongst the ambiance of the pattering droplets. Once he’d shaken the feeling, Diaz opened the door of his sportscar and took a seat behind the wheel. As he closed the door, the vehicle burst into a blazing supernova that engulfed the inhabitant. The rain showered the flaming wreckage, but the fire was undeterred.